Full Circle

There seems to always come a time when you realize that things do indeed come full circle. For me, that time is now. I have used this blog as way to try to chronicle my journey through an official leadership title. I use the word try very generously. Sometimes I do great, other times not so great. Periods of great insight tend to be followed by even longer periods of silence. The posts in my drafts always seem to outnumber the posts that have been published. Through it all, I have tried to share without censoring my feelings, perspectives, and opinions. For the most part, I feel successful in that endeavor.

Today I find myself at a familiar crossroads (to play on another cliche). I am at another point in my journey where I have to make a decision. Upon deeper reflection, I can say it’s likely not a crossroads but rather a fork in the road. I find myself staring down two very different roads/paths. I have to make a decision, and a decision that feels all too familiar. This isn’t about a job or career choice either. It’s about destiny. It’s about looking in the mirror and asking myself “how bad do you want it?” and then going after it. The fullness of the circle being me finding myself right back here.

The problem with things coming full circle is simple; a circle is 360 degrees. That means I’m right back in the exact same place I’ve found myself in before. That means I haven’t made the progress I thought I had made. It’s like being on a ride at the county fair all over again. It’s thrilling & fun, and then when it stops, you’re right back where you started. It’s fun when you’re a child, maybe even as an adolescent or young adult. As a grown woman, quite frankly, I’m over it.

And so I find myself looking back over all of the decisions that I’ve made, because everything is a decision, even deciding not to do anything at all. I’m looking at these decisions with a critical eye. I don’t look with a negative, self-critical agenda. Instead, I look with an eye for detail(s). What decision(s) did I make as I approached 90 degrees? 180 degrees? 270 degrees? Those are the decisions that led me back to this point. Those are the decisions that I want to understand better. What was my driving motivation behind them? Is there something that I need to be healed from that will allow me to make different decisions this time around?

If COVID-19 has taught me nothing else, it has taught me the value of true community. It has taught me that the people in your village (both personal and professional) will always hold you accountable for making better decisions. It has taught me that there are people who hang out near your village but are not a part of it. It has taught me that everyone who claps with you isn’t clapping for you. It has taught me that the values that I hold dear are what truly matters. It has taught me that taking time to slow down is what we all need, and that it shouldn’t take a global pandemic for it to happen.

Today I pledge to get off of the ride, and leave the circle behind. Here’s to a future of decisions that come from a place of wholeness, and to roads that lead to new adventures. Here’s to overcoming obstacles and enjoying the journey. Here’s to committing to discovering our destiny, and making the decisions that will ultimately lead us there!

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